Sweat trickling down his skin, heart racing and with ragged breadths coming in whiffs, Eromosele felt like an athlete who had just come off the race track, he was exhausted. Shaking his head slowly, he tried to balance his senses , seating up straight on his bed, he looked around, there was no use, the room was pitch black he couldn't make out a thing. Still in a bit of a daze, he tried in a most desperate attempt to calm his breathing and at that moment he felt weak and he hated this with extreme passion, these panic attacks always took a toll on him, leaving him physically spent, feeling like a shriveled orange discarded on the floor, sucked dry of all its juices, he felt exhausted . Today was July 31st 2015, his last attack was December 18th 2014 "why now, what triggered this particular incident" ? He asked himself and in the midst of his pondering, it struck suddenly, as a flashlight illuminates the darkness when you turn on the switch, the memories came rushing back, flooding his mind as though they were being generated from every single artery that coursed through his veins, not just the memories but also the feelings that accompanied them as well, he remembered, he remembered it all.
He was eighteen, she was eighteen, fresh out of secondary school and both in love, they thought it would last forever but fate had other plans. Fast forward a year later, issues began to surface, the silly quarrels began, he was insecure and she wanted to explore.
Eromosele shaking at this point tried to dispel these memories but the floods kept on coming, because try as he may at this point he couldn't forget. He begged her to leave Robert and come back to him she said "I'd think about it" He pleaded and pleaded, hurting begging hoping if she came back it would heal the pain, Robert was his friend and she was dating him, sleeping with him and making no particular attempt to hide it, Eromosele didn't mind, as long as she came back, all that was in the past . Reminiscing, he wondered if he was obsessed or possessed, because he knew now what he felt then wasn't love, but that regardless it still hurt having to replay the scenario in his head , he was stuck in a theatre that was his mind, strapped to a chair, he was forced to watch the images that played out before him. In the end she did come back and later she went back and came back again , there's so much a man can stomach so he ended the relationship. She thought he'd never be bold enough, he thought he'd never be able to, what an interesting turn of events.
This was four years ago, he'd moved on since then but a part of him still held on to the hurt, it helped build his defense mechanism, he'd never be hurt again, but there in lay his problem, he couldn't give Obehi his all, she loved him, he knew that and he loved her in return , something he hadn't done in a while, but he just couldn't let go, it'd been six months, she'd been complaining, he could see losing her in the horizon but what could he do, he couldn't just stop fighting, the war was obviously over, but fighting is all he ever knew. Picking up his phone,he went to his gallery, enlarging her picture he looked at it quietly, smiling sheepishly he decided at that point he was going to let go, the past was ruining his future, he knew he might probably be hurt, but he thought, it be definitely worth it, speaking to no one in particular he said out loud "it's better to have tried, checked by failures now and then, than to have never tried at all" . His mind was made up, his attack episode was over, he checked his time, 1:30am " it's still too early to start roaming about" he thought out loud, laying back and throwing over the covers , he shut his eyes, he was really tired,he drifted quietly into a gentle slumber a smile lingered on his face because he was finally free and trying to conceive another thought he fell into a deep and peaceful sleep and as he slept his soul was slowly unburdened from the shackles which was his past.
EJALE VI
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